Moments
by DownMemoryLane2017
Summary: A few short chapters either independent from one another or somehow interconnected (I have to admit I haven't really thought this through yet) maybe a couple of videos - all things that I hope will enrich this series. Guest charecters - Guess who.
1. In the Halls of Healing: Her Regular

Guess who:

"What is going on here? Anakin Skywalker, I told you not to agitate him! What did you say to him? What have you done?"

* * *

"Obi-Wan Kenobi, what have you done with yourself now!" Vokara Che, senior padawan to Master Aakiod Zumin, knew healers weren't supposed to scream at their patients, after all her master had taught her well. But this boy would test the patience of a saint.

Beside the common chilhood ilnesses, there was that episode when he was five and broke his arm chasing a garbage droid down a chute because the damn machine had taken his broken model fighter; at six he had ended up in the Halls with Force exhaustion for trying to heal a Hawk-bat juvenile he'd found with a broken wing; then the dislocated knee he had incurred at eight testing a propelled skate he'd built with his friends from scrap; she hadn't even want to know how he'd gotten the slight chemical burns in his hands or about the purple on then initiate Vos' robes as the other boy carried his friend into the Halls... right around the time Master Windu decided baldness fitted him.

Still, this had to be the most idiotic stunt he'd pulled yet – leaving his master to take part in a war that had nothing to do with him.

Damn the boy, his mischievous streak and his soft heart.

She had known him for the nine years she'd been apprenticed to Master Zumin, she had treated a lot of the younglings but Obi-Wan was the regular resident of these Halls.

Now here he was again a multitude of injuries that would have been healed by now if he had taken the minimal of care and a body abused by stress, lack of proper diet and fatigue. Master Qui-Gon had warned her of his concerns. She hadn't imagine this.

Obi-Wan was looking at her as if waiting for a bomb to go off.

Peace and serenity my ass. She wanted to slap him upside the head, but refrained breathing out her frustrations.

"Can I go?" he made to stand up, but settled at her fulminating glare.

Maybe she could strangle him and no one would notice he was missing?

He tensed just for a second, gaze alert and focused behind her, the doors opened as a droid came into the ward, his eyes remained on the exits from the room. She had noticed his reluctance about keeping his back to the door before, she'd just thought he was being Obi-Wan and plotting his escape, however his flinching at unexpected sounds, with his concentration divided between her and the points of access to the ward... suggested something more was going on, he was displaying symptoms of stress related to trauma.

"How have you been sleeping?" she asked gentling her tone.

"Not very well." he grimaced, she'd caught him by surpriseor he probably wouldn't have responded honestly.

"Nightmares?" He pressed his lips together.

"Anything else? Trouble concentrating or memory gaps?"

Silence.

"How is Bant?" she tried another tack.

"She is fine." he answered curtly

"So you've been to see her since she left the Halls of Healing? What about Garen?"

He looked to the door resolutely not answering, avoiding the subject she thought. Then the door hissed opened again and in came Qui-Gon Jinn moving their way as soon as he spotted them. Obi-Wan was hyper-vigilant, stretching his senses far, keeping tabs on everything happening around him.

Force, you're a mess boy.

As the master approached, Obi-Wan relaxed a little. She must talk with Master Zumin of her suspicions, for now she concentrated on giving the pair her diagnosis and instructions.

* * *

 _Passage from the journal of Obi-Wan Kenobi, 957 ARR (2nd time around, let's try this again)_

 _As soon as she got me in her clutches Vokara decided to rip me a new one, she's always been scary even as a Padawan. Should have been forbidden from the Halls of Healing not gotten promoted to Head of the whole cursed place._

 _Her bedside manner is the worst I've ever observed and she gets particularly cross with me at a simple scratch. Fortunately I paid attention when she taught me about healing and my previously broken ribs went unnoticed._

 _[beep, beep; rustle of cloths, scrapping of an old style chair; a sigh; low recorded voice "Obi-Wan Kenobi you better be in bed right now, don't make me come and tuck you in..."; message abruptly cut]_

 _Damn the woman, she really is a good healer. Had she still been alive at the end of the Clone Wars, she would have strapped me to the bed and forced therapy down my throat._

 _That was never to be, for there was no one there months after when I finally broke._

 _When the nightmares could no longer be pushed down and started invading my days;_

 _When the trembling became so bad I couldn't hold my lightsaber through the katas;_

 _When the despair became so great I considered ending it all and the anger so out of proportion I almost went after Palpatine._

 _They were all gone, even the Force unable to reach me through my turmoil._

 _It took a long time for me to pull myself together. There is nothing more that can be done for me._

 _I could say the war, the betrayal are now in the past._

 _That would be a lie._

 _I carry them with me wherever I go._

 _I have made peace with that._


	2. Nightmares

Guess who:

"I'm not testing you, Obi-Wan. Life tests you! Every day it brings you new chances for triumph or defeat. And if you pass the test, it doesn't make you a Jedi. It makes you human."

Note: Sometimes, when i'm stuck in my writting, i go to youtube and make a general search for star wars amvs. This normaly helps the spark of inspiration. This time around I ended up making a amv of my own and then I thought it complemented this little fic. You'll find the link below when it becomes relevant and better framed.

* * *

 _Passage from the journal of Ben Kenobi, 994 ARR_

 _Some considerations on the Force:_

 _As I have explained in previews entries, the Force, this all encompassing energy that welcomes and arbors us in its embrace, can be expressed in two main aspects._

 _The Living Force translates itself in any living beings connection to the present, to the immediate, to life energy, to each other. It surrounds and penetrates us, thus making all living things connected by it. If a being dies we feel it through the Force, if many die the shock might even temporally incapacitate a force-sensitive and when life is born one will feel reinvigorated by the purity of that energy._

 _The Unifying Force is a vast cosmic power, it is the stars and galaxies and connects life through time and space. It is the voice in our heads whispering warnings about the future, sending visions to us during dreams and meditation. The Fo r ce has a will of Its own, but this is not to say the future is already set in stone._

 _Quiet the contrary, as I said before the Force is neither one or the other, but both._

 _The future changes with the present, even as it influences the conditions of the immediate. A little hard to get your head around the concept, but not so difficult to understand when we accept the Force as something greater than us. It's ultimate objective could probably be best described by us as a continuous action towards balance and as a dynamic in continuous motions no situation is guarantied to happen, yet there is a tendency for certain patterns._

 _Though many beings throughout the ages have felt a greater influence, a better synchrony with one aspect or the other... it is important to understand , that is how we perceive the Force._

 _For It there is no incompatibility between It's duality._

 _And yet for us to achieve balance between those two aspects is often the work of decades of study._

 _I myself was always more connected to the Unifying Force, not many times through visions of the far future, more by feelings about the immediate future. For me the Force's warning came in like a melody from the strings of a harp. I would strike a chord and if the sound complemented the symphony a sense of well-being filled me, but if it was dissonant dread crawled up my spine. I had a tendency to neglect the present that took many years for my master to rid me of._

 _My master was an adept of the Living Force, he connected with beings with an easy I could never replicate and yet he had a tendency to not think of the future... and it's not like he never connected to the Unifying Force, I know now for a fact that during his life he was graced a few times with glimpses of what was to come, but his connection to the present was so intense the visions were rarely discernible and tended to fade fast._

* * *

Qui-Gon stood in the council chamber, the full council present, but … how had he come to be in here? He tried to recall his steps. There was a strange quality to what he was experiencing, like memory overlapping reality, an echo of emotions not his own. An echo he'd become accustomed to in the last couple of weeks. And Qui-Gon knew he was in a dream not his own.

Looking around he saw a young man looking back at him a warning in his eyes, so familiar. Did he know this man? He could see the long braid, a senior padawan then, probably nearing his knighting. His posture confident and relaxed, except for the sudden tension, there was something wrong, a warning of horrible things to come reverberated through him, echoing in his bones.

When he turned back to the council the room was gone in ashes and smoke, only master Yoda remained a hunted look in his eyes, an invisible weight bowing his shoulders and as his infamous wooden skit felt to the ground a voice called from behind, Qui-Gon incapable of stopping himself followed the clothed figure into the desert. Into the storm.

Through the raging wind and sand images come to him, some faded and forgotten by time, others too intense to look at directly, the murmur of so many voices he could not distinguish any words, but the feelings that accompanied them came across clearly.

The pain and horror of the black figure who had once been a hopeful boy, the sadness of hundreds at the death of a once strong and caring woman.

The adrenaline in his body as the fight ensues, the warm support of the Light and the cold intensity of the Dark.

Death, so much death, the tumult of broken bonds, a void in his being as the light of familiar presences faded, consumed by a never satisfied hunger for power.

A triad... friends, lovers, family. So much love, so much doubt. So much loss and a chasm opening at his feet, the darkness beckoning. Defiance and surrender. Betrayal

* * *

 **Link** : endereço youtube/ watch?v=91yoHj_xWKw

* * *

Qui-Gon woke abruptly jumping out of bed, the adrenaline in his veins making his heart beat double time. The jedi master concentrated on his breathing, putting the images in his mind to the side for now.

With a sigh he thought back to the days his sleep hadn't been disturbed by Obi-Wan's dreams and visions. He was a master of the Living Force and was not equipped to really deal with visions like this, often he was later left vacillating for the images fast dissipated from his mind – they were not meant for him – leaving behind only a whisper of a warning and yet he refused leave Obi-Wan again. For now, the closing of their bond would negatively affect its healing.

It had all started when the boy had approached him requesting guidance in his meditation. Obi-Wan had related that since Melida/Daan he had found some difficulty in maintaining his connection to the Force, that sometimes It would answer his call willingly, but other Its warmth came in fits and starts. Though they had yet to reestablish a formal apprenticeship Obi-Wan had come to Qui-Gon for help, believing that the healing of their bond through more pro-active action might help in stabilizing his own connection with the Force.

Qui-Gon had agreed immediately and they had fallen into the habit of joint meditation during their mornings. Whatever may still lay between them, he had decided to give their relationship another chance and even if they failed in recovering their old rapport, Qui-Gon cared for the boy.

The latest experiences with Xanatos had proven that. Without Qui-Gon realizing it, during the their first year together Obi-Wan had started to heal him, had warmed is way through Qui-Gon's emotional shields and that was why the situation on Melida/Daan had hurt so much, bringing back his fears and re-opening the wounds Xanatos had left him with.

Before their first joint meditation Qui-Gon had not realized the extent of the impact their rift had on the bond, this couldn't really be helped when considering that the distance between Corustcant and Melida/Daan muted their bond to the point of nonexistence. But he should have realized upon meeting Obi-Wan again, for the boy was right – the way they had separated on Melida/Daan had severely damaged it, the fact the bond had not been completely destroyed gave testimony to it's strength when completed.

As a jedi master, Qui-Gon had been compensating for the disturbance unconsciously, but Obi-Wan did not have his experience and the frayed bond had started to disrupt the boy's connection to the Force.

The strength in Obi-Wan marveled Qui-Gon once more, to have been able to use the Force at all reflected a more grounded connection to It than most senior padawans accomplished. And for the life of him, Qui-Gon could not tell for certain if this had been true before Melida/Daan or if it was a consequence of Obi-Wan's experiences on the planet. Had he been neglecting his padawan so badly as to fail to see Obi-Wan for who he was? Had he truly been so blinded by Xanatos shadow?

Those question hunted him now and established one more obstacle to overcome in their renewed connection. Before Qui-Gon had asked himself if it was fair to Obi-Wan, to accept him back as padawan when he wasn't sure he could again give him his trust. Now he wondered if it would it be fair to the boy, to take Qui-Gon back when he had missed so much about Obi-Wan before. What did that inattention tell of him as a master?


	3. On a Lost Planet: A Friend Form Far Away

**AN:** **Hello to everyone who might still be with me.** **I am so very sorry for the radio silence. There are a couple of reasons for it, some more reasonable than others.** **RL has been kicking my ass this past year - my grandfather was sick for most of it (and with work, university and my mother also working) taking care of him didn't leave much time to write and sincerely speaking it also didn't leave much will to do it either. On better news - he had cirurgy last month and things are looking better.** **Last week I sat down to write something, this is all that came to me. I wrote it in an afternoon, but wasn't very happy with the first draft. So I'm only publishing it now.** **Also, not wanting to lift anyone's expectations - I say this because I'm a terribley slow writter - I have also started drafting the next installment of the series - not much plot, more centered on characters growth and interactions... and already have an idea (it might change so don't hold you breath) of where I'm going with the story after that.** **Again I repeat slow writter here... my apologies.** **This was a big AN, so without further ado I'm now leaving you to enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

Guess Who:

"Peace isn't just a concept to me. It is life and breath. I will never pick up a weapon again. I have seen what they can do. If a weapon of destruction is in my hands, sooner or later that weapon will be used. I will not contribute to one more death on…"

* * *

 _Passage from the journal of Obi-Wan Kenobi, 979 ARR_

 _A year and half we've been at war and no end in sight. We could never have imagined it would come to this._

 _My month long stay in Rattatak is finally behind me and I have been cleared to go back to the front lines. My brothers and sisters need me, my men need me, Anakin needs me and the innocent caught in the cross fire of this idiotic war? Well they couldn't care less who I am as long as I stand as their shield._

 _The darkness that has taken over at heels of this war, encloses on me from all sides. Now more than ever I can feel its touch. My experiences on Rattatak have only exacerbated the scars that Zigoola left me with._

 _And so I wonder what I am fighting for any longer. I'm weary of the constant fighting and dying, of this back and forth that has become the war, for every painful victory a loss is felt somewhere else in the galaxy. We are at a standstill and every attempt to reach peace through diplomacy seems to die at the hands of a new betrayal by either side._

 _The death toll rises with every battle and the deaths of our men go by ignore in the galaxy at large. To the people of the Republic they are disposable for they are something that should never have been born – clones. And we Jedi are not much better – after all_ _ **it is our duty to**_ _ **protect**_ _so what if we die in its performance?_

 _We are an idea, not people…_

 _What has the Republic come to?_

 _I'm tired._

 _Since Geonosis I'm often reminded of the instances, during my time as padawan or as master to Anakin, that we've been called to settle violent disputes. My master was amongst the greatest dualists of the Order, he was also a well-known diplomat (my fame as The Negotiator, ridiculous moniker that it is, I owe it to him) so many of my formative years as a Jedi were spent settling disputes. None of that could have prepared me for what was to come._

 _Every day is like reliving my first brush with war. It's like Melida/Daan all over again, all over the place. The meaninglessness, the stubborn fighting motivated by we know not what, the constant chipping away at the rights of individuals, the degradation of ideals – are we becoming monsters?_

 _And paradoxically I grow numb._

 _Every day a new crime comes to light, a new atrocity is committed and in order to keep moving I have to inure myself to those realities._

 _Where are we going with this?_

 _I am Jedi, I strive for peace._

 _I'm bound to protect, so I fight on._

 _What are we doing?_

 _I'm just… tired._

* * *

As they prepared to head out Cerasi considered what to say. Something was bothering Obi-Wan, she could tell by the way he moved – a limber, predatory stalk she hadn´t seen since their newly formed security squad had finally managed to confiscate the bulk of weapons present in Zehava. Even though he looked to be concentrating only on his path, she had learned to discern when he was stretching his senses to observe everything around him, there was a touch of tension on his shoulders and a slight furrow to his eyes.

Cerasi just knew Obi-Wan would end up with a terrible headache at the end of the day, as had been happening every time he used his so called Force since **that** day. Those were really starting to worry her – it couldn't be natural no matter what Obi-Wan said. But now was not the time to get into another fight with him on the subject. It was time to coach his worries from him.

She sighed frustrated before even beginning. There was a time that talking with Obi-Wan would have been easy, funnily enough it had been so natural when they barely knew each other. Cerasi observed her friend discreetly, keeping pace with his seemingly purposeful stride as they started their last patrol of the city before the council was to gather for their weekly updates.

"Which route should we take?"

"East, we'll go through the marketplace first, its peak hour and tensions are still high."

"We just finished building it, surely no one will start a fight there now that we've finally been able to establish steady commerce."

"People fail to be logic most of the time. It will take a long time for people to do more than tolerate each other. Maybe we should institute a permanent patrol there."

"We don't have the numbers Obi-Wan." she could feel frustration bleeding into her voice

"Lead by example." He admonished "Reach out to a few adults you trust to reinforce your numbers. If we continue to police them with only those who belonged to the Young, resentment will build."

"I guess. Why don't you bring it up to the council?"

"That's your job now councilwoman."

"Very funny, but seriously why don't you do it?"

"You really don't realize how much they listen to you. Cerasi, you started this whole thing, your opinion has weight!"

"I never intended to be a leader. That was Nield's dream, to have the power to make changes. I just wanted the war to stop."

They had reached the market place and were interrupted by a few people offering greetings. They stayed around for a few minutes, to get the feeling of the place, but people were in high spirits and they eventually moved on satisfied it would remain peaceful for now.

"You know Cerasi…"

"What?"

"Just, you remind me of a friend."

"Is she pretty."

"Prettier than you" that got him punched in the arm "And he is about as fierce."

"So what about him?" She said with an evil grin

"He's from Alderaan, very practical and yet somewhat idealistic. He always said that those best suited for power, were those that did not seek it, those that accepted the duties along with the benefits and fought for their people."

"I kind of agree with him. What does he do?

"He will be a senator one day. One of the very best."

"So you can see the future now?"

"Perhaps. You should consider it."

"What." She looked at him confused "Becoming a senator? Are you crazy?" She laughed

"No, I'm being quite serious. Your planet is part of the Republic, now that the ongoing conflict has been settled you'll have to start reaching to the outside, eventually you'll need representation in the Senate. Believe me Cerasi we need all the good souls we have in that vipers nest."

"New blood to shake things up a bit? Obi-Wan I'm not so young to not understand that the Republic Senate is a breeding ground for corruption, I've been listening to you talking about the galaxy these last few months. I just finished fighting a war, why should I seek another."

They had reached the Halls of Evidence, by now and stopped to look at them. Nothing could illustrate better what she was saying. All she'd ever know was fighting.

She knew little of politics, but she had observed Obi-Wan negotiating with the representatives of the planets that had come to their aid, and with a few exceptions (Naboo and Haruun Kal), it had been an exhausting battle to reach a settlement. It was not the type of fighting she was used to – words used as weapons, veiled whispers that contradicted what had just been said and double meanings – but it had been battle never the less, one she was not equipped to or interested in fighting.

"Not yet Cerasi." he answered with unfocused eyes, looking far away "There's still hope for democracy and to keep it alive we need all we can gather. We need voices that stand out and up against greed, indifference and complacency. There are good people in the Senate now, they just need some help."

Sometimes he would get like this – distant, a maturity in his words she did not understand but recognized. Something was definitely bothering Obi-Wan and she owed it to him to try and help out after everything he'd done for them.

"Obi-Wan… Is something wrong?"

He took his gaze from the Halls of Evidence and focused on her.

"I have a bad feeling about this Cerasi."

"What?"

"I managed to keep everyone distracted from it and focused on rebuilding and exploring this world to see what it has to offer, I fear it will no longer be enough."

"I don't understand Obi-Wan."

"People have refuge for the winter that is to come, commerce has stated flourishing and we are working on creating interplanetary relations, he will bring it up soon."

"Obi-Wan you are not making sense."

"The Halls of Evidence Cerasi, Nield has been talking about what to do with them nonstop."

"I know that." She started getting an inkling of where he was going with this. "So"

"So what is to be done with them? Have you thought on that?"

She considered the last few months. When she'd just met Obi-Wan, Cerasi had judged him a stick in the mud for listening to his Jedi master instead of thinking for himself… he'd proven her wrong. She knew now that without him they would never have come so far. Those lessons he kept parroting to them in the beginning had proven wise when put into practice.

The Young had the motivation, they had the numbers, they had the passion. They had been completely unprepared. Sure, they all knew how to shoot a blaster rifle, mount an ambush or create a distraction, but they had no concept of how to settle a war. No one on Melida/Daan could make such claim. They had been embroiled in a civil war practically since the establishing of the colony on the planet.

How do you win a war that is being fought for no discernable reason, carried only through hate of crimes mutually committed?

Obi-Wan had found a way. It was his knowledge of technologies and strategy that had allowed them to put the fighters out of commission and win enough battles to force a surrender; it was his voice that convinced the middle generation to throw their weight behind the Young's cause; it was his cool head that allowed the surrender of the Elders to proceed without unnecessary bloodshed; his unwavering dedication helped clean the city of weapons and his counsel laid the ground for the plans the advisory council had put in place for the citizens to start rebuilding.

It had not been obvious in the start. Obi-wan had let them plan an attack, offering here and there a suggestion that later proved necessary for its execution, only insisting on his own plans on a couple of occasions. She'd observed him talking with the adults and the Young in the breaks between negotiations soothing the wounded prides of the adults and offering different perspectives to his headstrong companions.

It had only been when he had stood alone, in no man's land, on the day of surrender that she and her friends realized how much he'd done for their cause. It was his presence that stayed the Young's volatile tempers and his swift actions that prevented one of the Elders from starting a new battle – it had helped that he'd put the man to sleep with only a word and a wave of the hand before the other could shoot Nield, the surprise alone at what just happened had calmed everyone.

When they had offered him a place on the council he'd surprised everyone again by declining, claiming the future of Melida/Daan was better in the hands of those most invested in it.

"I'm new here and truth be told I don't intend to stay forever" he'd said "I could perhaps find a home with you and if I intended to do so I would gladly accept your invitation, but I've learned much from you theses last couple of months. I learned much about myself. I'm still Jedi, I wish to help others as I have helped you."

"Do you want to go back?" Joli asked in a timid whisper, he had come to idolize Obi-Wan.

"Yes I do. I'll talk to the Jedi Council and ask for another chance."

"So, you're going back to a Order that abandoned you, Obi-Wan?" Nield challenged hurt by the rejection "What can they give you? They have only hurt you so far. We are you family, just stay with us."

"You are my family Nield, nothing can ever change that, but so is the Order. I have so many brothers and sisters I miss." everyone could feel the heartache in his vice "Families are complicated Nield, they don't always agree yet they support each other; they fight each other and they fight together; they laugh and cry, they grow apart, they meet again. There's always bound to be dissidence and always sure to be welcome. Families are what we make of then and they are not infallible but they're worth fighting for."

"What if they don't accept you back."

"Then life goes on Nield. Jedi aren't the only ones who can help."

He suggested that his place be given instead to a representative of the middle generation whom they had allied with to put an end to the fighting, but had accepted staying on as advisor. Following that he'd immersed himself in the repairs to the communications systems, had established contact with someone – they had never discovered who – that had helped them institute contracts with the nearby planets towards the development of Melida/Daan.

She remembered her resignation at his speech. She had known his destiny was bigger than them, she hadn't realized consciously until that point but she was not ignorant of the change that had come over him after leaving the Jedi Order and his master to stay and help. It had scared her, though she would not admit it – he had come back that day a confused sad boy and awoken the next an inscrutable stranger.

His word now held great weight in her heart, even his idiotic suggestion of try for the senate had taken root at the back of her mind. So she stopped and listened.

What was to be done with the Halls of Evidence? For the longest time she had wished to see them destroyed, they fostered and reinforced the hatred that carried on the civil war of her planet. But now… perhaps it was time to forgive, but surely they should never forget.

Little history remained of their planet. The testimonies housed in the Halls were all that remained of generations of their people. They were all that remained of her family, aside from her dad. Full of hate they might be, but they also passed on a message of love for their families and more importantly, where before they taught to hate one day they could be used to illustrate the loss and emptiness of war, they could be used to teach acceptance.

"I guess if I was to forget my mistakes then I would never learn."

"And what does Nield think?"

"I'll convince him." She said with a conviction she did not feel.

For a moment an old shadow shuttered his gaze…

Cerasi trembled remembering, that first week after Obi-Wan came back from his master. For a time it was like living with a walking dead, nothing made him smile, much less react; his eyes had an emptiness to them when he looked at her that broke her heart… and then one morning when they were discussing the fighters' pattern of attack animation had come back into his eyes, he'd start asking questions and hadn't stop, taking over that meeting and opening their eyes to the hidden movements of their opponents with pointed questions they had never thought to ask.

When he looked at her again there was hope in his eyes.

… and then it hid as Obi-Wan smiled at her.

"If anyone can do it it's you."

As she looked forward to what was to come there was hope in her also.

* * *

End note: ... quote from Cerasi to the Advisory Council in Jedi Apprentice: The Uncertain Path


End file.
